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Archive for the ‘Yum!’ Category

Opposition Risen

The swollen scar tissue in my throat has been replaced by a sharp stabbing sensation in my upper palette, just to the (stage) left of my uvula. It hurts, so much so that it almost ruined the slow-roasted lamb and sweet potato curry I spent half the day crafting. I say almost since it would have taken an anaesthetic-less vasectomy to spoil such a culinary tour de force.

Today is the Twentieth anniversary of Sonic the Hedgehog. Apart from it being the five-hundredth thing that has made me feel old this month, I accidentally learned that I am the most natural Sonic the Hedgehog Master in the World, ever. I determined this ego-boosting fact (and it is a fact, which I will shortly demonstrate) while reading a thread on Reddit dedicated to SEGA’s blue mascot. I noticed repeated references to a segment of Sonic the Hedgehog 3‘s Carnival Night Zone, more specifically, they rued the bit with the barrel. One poster claimed that it took him days to conquer this devilish cylinder, while another confessed that they stopped playing the game altogether at this point, so difficult it is.

I vaguely recalled a series of barrels that needed to be traversed to progress, but I had to search YouTube to find the section in question. That bit? Really? I pissed that bit, without even a shrug. Instead of assuming that this collection of mewling thumb-bumblers were merely incompetent, I took it as irrefutable evidence that I am the greatest gamer who ever privileged a joypad with the touch of my digits. I feel confident in my assertion right now, though I did find the Mario All-Stars cartridge so may well tumble from my lofty pedestal with shocking precipitation.

© 2011 Ashley J. Allen, All Rights Reserved

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Instead of writing – or even considering writing – I played Buzz: The Music Quiz (eventually losing to my female namesake) and ate Chinese food. I regretted it soon after when I realised that I could have spent the time constructing a pizza sphere:

Photo used without the kind permission of foodandwineblog.com

Just as 3D is the future of film (for idiots), the pizza sphere demonstrates the greatest advancement in food science since pasteurisation, but tastier. Move over Ferdinand Magellan and Vasco da Gama, in future the most renowned explorers will be those men (and women, if women like pizza) who possess the fortitude to circumnavigate the pizza sphere. I will build one and then I shall conquer it. Ambitious it my be, but without ambition we may never have been blessed with the revolutionary keyboard pen. Just think about that while you’re chomping lethargically on your flaccid, recumbent pizza. You sicken me.

© 2011 Ashley J. Allen, All Rights Reserved

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